The Lonliness Of Madmen

Imagine if you will, you're sitting in a classroom. It's only your second day on campus and you're waiting for your math class, a class you're already nervous about, to begin. In walks your instructor, a short stout woman wearing a winter coat and, I kid you not, a fucking flak jacket.

She explains that she normally teaches at the Gary Indiana Ivy Tech campus, where security is clearly a bit of an issue. She then goes into details of her life, about how she suffered a severe head injury less than a year ago and had to have a piece of her skull removed. Near the end of class she tries to put your minds at ease about the security of the classroom. She assures you that if, IF someone were to launch an assault on the class she would personally defend you and your classmates insisting that she would give her life to ensure your safety.

That's when she pulls out her taser. Okay, to be fair she made reference to the fact that she carries a taser and someone in the class asked to see it first, but that's beside the point. She then begins telling you about the taser, how many volts it can deliver and that it can pretty much stop anyone in their tracks. That's when someone insists that when he's been drinking Bacardi 151 a taser would not be able to take him off his feet. You look from the instructor to the student, certain that she's going to pull the trigger and test his theory. She doesn't, and the class ends without discussing math in the least.

This happened to me today. Word for word and with no embellishing or creative liberties taken. Can I have a normal day? Please?

Nerd Rant # 1

Today it was announced that Disney has purchased Marvel Comics for the tidy sum of 4 billion dollars. The internet exploded with speculation and jokes, and of course fanboy bitching. Since I'm a fanboy who loves to bitch I thought I'd weigh in as well.

First off, I'm nowhere close to being a market analyst but this seems like a solid decision for both companies. Marvel, while currently doing well is only a few years out of their bankruptcy woes, and Disney has just purchased an amazing asset that has a very loyal and diverse fanbase. DC has been owned by Warner Brothers for as long as I can remember, and in my opinion the content of their books hasn't suffered under the weight of a corporate overlord. The deal also has the potential to reach a great majority of children who don't normally read comics. In the 80's Marvel used to publish a line of comics under the Star imprint. They were mostly adaptations of popular tv shows such as Alf and Masters of the Universe, but they exposed an entire generation of kids to the medium, many of whom continue to read comics to this day. Imagine what Marvel could do with a line of books featuring Disney's nearly endless list of characters. Say what you will about catering to the mainstream, but anything that gets kids reading is a win in my book.

Now having said that, my inner fanboy is clawing at my ribcage trying to get out. Disney just bought goddamn Marvel! They're gonna turn Wolverine into a lovable grouch! They're going to fire Quesada and replace him with Micheal Eisner! Warren Ellis will be chased from the building with pitchforks while villagers sing "It's a Small World After All! I kid, but there is a part of me that is fearful Disney will impose stricter guidelines for content. For years Marvel has been able to set their own standards, but with Disney and their famous team of lawyers we could be looking at a neutered company. The last thing any of us want to see is the disneyfication of our favorite characters. Of course, those bastards murdered Bambi's mother before my impressionable young eyes, so maybe I'm just worrying over nothing.


Photo blatantly stolen from IGN Comics

I Took The Blossom Of My Youth And Blew It All To Smithereens

As a child, I remember summer lasting much longer. As I recall it, summer was like living in a Calvin and Hobbes strip: endless days of play and adventure where anything was possible as long as there was sunlight. Now as I sit here, those days seem so distant they may as well have been lived by someone else. Summer passes in the blink of an eye with hardly a chance to be enjoyed. Where once I was climbing trees and organizing games of capture the flag I am now working and dealing with the responsibilities of adulthood. Of course, one thing that has managed to remain is the trepidation and dread that only a new school-year brings.

Today is my last day before once again becoming a student. It's been nearly a decade since I've stepped into a classroom, not counting the few times I've been a presenter on the merits of comics as an educational tool. Tomorrow I take the first step towards a journalism degree, something that I've desired for years but never had the guts to pursue. I'm standing at the foot of a very long road, the very same road that bested me many years ago. To say that I'm nervous is an understatement.

And though I'm terrified and unsure, I know that I will be fine. I have an amazing support system that will help me get through this, and a determination that I lacked in the past. Behind my fear is an excitement I've never felt before, an excitement that tells me I'm on the right path, that the road I've avoided for years is still waiting patiently for me.

And as for the longing of my youth, Yesterday I bought a much-beloved relic from my childhood: A Super Nintendo. I bought it as a reminder, because I never want to forget the time when my biggest concern was the setting of the sun.

Review: Batman Arkham Asylum

This review may contain spoilers for the first few hours of gameplay.

Batman: Arkham Asylum

Batman games, as a rule, suck. They usually end up as nothing more than beat-em-ups with little regard for the characters or their mythology. Whenever a new Batman game comes out, I'm instantly skeptical. With Batman: Arkham Asylum, however, developer Rocksteady has managed to create an amazing game that actually gets it right.

The game begins with Batman returning The Joker to Arkham after a failed attack on the mayors office. Not trusting the ease in which he was captured, Batman accompanies the guards as Joker is wheeled through the asylum to be processed. On the way The Joker escapes and gains control of Arkhams security system, forcing Batman to use every tool at his disposal to recapture his foe.

The first thing you'll notice about Arkham Asylum is the presentation. The visuals are gorgeous (if not a bit...shiny) and they enlisted the voice talent from the widely successful Batman: The Animated Series. Hearing Kevin Conroy reprise his role as Batman and Mark Hamill as The Joker is a real treat, especially since they fit the characters so well. The story itself is written by Batman: TAS alumni Paul Dini, and the plot and dialogue flow beautifully. There are numerous nods to both the comic and the animated series throughout. You receive radio support from Oracle who fans will recognize as Barbra Gordon, the original Batgirl who was crippled by The Joker in the comics. Sharp eyed players will also notice a number of minor characters, whose presence shows Rocksteady had the fans in mind when making this game. The fan-service, while a real treat, never makes the game inaccessible for everyone else, and you can easily enjoy the game with little to no knowledge of the dark knight.

Arkham Asylum doesn't just look good, it also controls like a dream. Rocksteady has gone with an over-the-shoulder camera similar to Resident Evil 4, and movement feels very intuitive. Combat is handled by a single button, but thanks to the games unique “freeform combat” it looks visually impressive and never feels repetitive. Batman can quickly switch between any of the enemies he's mixing it up with, and an easy to use counterattack button means he's never taken by surprise. Numerous times I would jump down to a crowd of enemies, and not once did I feel outnumbered. A bit later in the game you begin encountering armed goons, and this changes the gameplay significantly. If you attempt to take them head-on you'll be quickly mowed down. Instead, you have to use stealth to pick them off individually. Whether you're stringing them up from gargoyles, sneaking up behind them and rendering them unconscious, or pouncing on them from above, the controls are responsive and smooth.

Although you're clearly outnumbered, Batman has a full arsenal of weapons that can be unlocked to even the odds. The game is reminiscent of Metroid in the way you can upgrade your equipment to access previously unreachable areas of the Asylum. You'll definitely want to explore these areas, as scattered throughout Arkham are numerous collectables. You'll find interview tapes conducted with various inmates that give you insight into their characters, as well as Riddler trophies that are used to unlock the games challenge maps. Batman also has devices built into his cowl that access “Detective Mode,” allowing you to scan the room for threats and hidden passages.

The thing I found most enjoyable about the game is how the developers “got” Batman. My biggest complaint with how Batman is handled outside of the comics is that they ignore the fact that he's a detective as well. This game embraces that element of the character. Here's a perfect example: Early on in the game Commissioner Gordon is abducted by one of The Jokers henchmen. I had to return to the room and do a “forensic scan” to search for clues to his whereabouts. While searching the room I notice a flask of whiskey the goon was drinking laying on the floor. Batman then adjusts his cowl sensors to pick up the ionized molecules of liquor in the air, leading me right to where Gordon was taken. It's that balance of detective work/ cool gadgetry that defines Batman, and Rocksteady implemented it perfectly.

The game doesn't pull any punches either. Although it's rated T for Teen, there's a surprising amount of violence, mostly left in The Jokers wake. Virtually every hallway in Arkham is littered with dead guards, at a point one is strapped upright on a gurney with a sign attached proclaiming “Dead End.” There is definitely an element of tense isolation to the game as The Joker leads you through his twisted fun-house, Cackling and taunting you the whole way. I wouldn't have it any other way.

5 out of 5

Batman: Arkham Asylum is rated T for Teen. It is available now for the Playstation 3, Xbox 360, and PC.