The Lonliness Of Madmen

Imagine if you will, you're sitting in a classroom. It's only your second day on campus and you're waiting for your math class, a class you're already nervous about, to begin. In walks your instructor, a short stout woman wearing a winter coat and, I kid you not, a fucking flak jacket.

She explains that she normally teaches at the Gary Indiana Ivy Tech campus, where security is clearly a bit of an issue. She then goes into details of her life, about how she suffered a severe head injury less than a year ago and had to have a piece of her skull removed. Near the end of class she tries to put your minds at ease about the security of the classroom. She assures you that if, IF someone were to launch an assault on the class she would personally defend you and your classmates insisting that she would give her life to ensure your safety.

That's when she pulls out her taser. Okay, to be fair she made reference to the fact that she carries a taser and someone in the class asked to see it first, but that's beside the point. She then begins telling you about the taser, how many volts it can deliver and that it can pretty much stop anyone in their tracks. That's when someone insists that when he's been drinking Bacardi 151 a taser would not be able to take him off his feet. You look from the instructor to the student, certain that she's going to pull the trigger and test his theory. She doesn't, and the class ends without discussing math in the least.

This happened to me today. Word for word and with no embellishing or creative liberties taken. Can I have a normal day? Please?